I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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