When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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