You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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