I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
