Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
