I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.