just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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