...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive