Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me