What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..