I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so let's talk penis.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.