glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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