Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
