I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
