I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
