im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How's work?
Spinning.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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