After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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