she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
