Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
