Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My pussy is not your playground.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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