I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
