she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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