the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
