i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize