As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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