im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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