Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
