I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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