Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
