Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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