when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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