well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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