I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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