We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
