best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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