SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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