Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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