its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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