i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize