And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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