I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
