You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
