I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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