you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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