I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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