it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
