Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
