I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
