hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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