Whod you bang
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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