I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
People in love make me want to vomit
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
