Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
