She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
