mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize