Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
