the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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