Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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