I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
