i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
