Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
my liver is dry heaving
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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