Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
