How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
