I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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