the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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