It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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