that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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