Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
