similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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