Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Quick, to the slutcave!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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