you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
