just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize