when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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