Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
