I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Bring me that man meat
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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