sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
