Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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