I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
