Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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